Busting the Myths About Bisexuality

The 23rd of September marks Bi Visibility Day. I think visibility can mean different things to different people. For some, it might mean proudly calling yourself bisexual. For others, it might mean finally having the words to describe something you've felt for a long time. It might mean seeing someone like you represented in a film or on television and thinking, oh, maybe I'm not the only one. Sometimes, visibility can be as simple as saying, “I'm bisexual” and having someone believe you.

Unfortunately, bisexuality is still surrounded by some pretty persistent myths. Bisexual people are sometimes told that they're confused, that they're going through a phase, or that they're really gay or really straight and just haven't figured it out yet. These assumptions contribute to bi-erasure - the frustrating phenomenon where bisexuality is overlooked, questioned or dismissed. When your identity is repeatedly questioned by the people around you, it can start to feel like you have to justify something that shouldn't need justifying in the first place.

So, let's bust some of those myths!

Myth: “Bisexual people are just confused.”

They're not. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation in its own right. It describes the potential to experience emotional, romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender. This attraction doesn't have to be a 50/50 split. You might experience stronger attraction to one gender, experience attraction differently at different points in your life or not think about your sexuality in terms of percentages at all.

The Kinsey Scale, developed by sexologist Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s, was one early attempt to move away from thinking about sexuality as simply heterosexual or homosexual. Instead, it described sexual attraction along a continuum.

(Note! The Kinsey Scale isn't a complete model of sexuality today, and contemporary understandings recognise that sexual orientation is more complex than a single scale can capture. With that being said, it can still be a useful starting point for understanding why attraction doesn't necessarily fit neatly into an either/or framework 🙂)

Myth: “Bisexuality is just a phase.”

For some people, bisexuality is a stable and meaningful part of their identity. The idea that bisexuality is simply a stepping stone between heterosexuality and homosexuality doesn't reflect the diversity of bisexual people's experiences. For others, the words they use to describe themselves might change over time as they learn more about themselves.

Our identities can be complicated. They can evolve or they can stay the same. In turn, sometimes the language we use to describe ourselves changes because we find a word that fits us better. That doesn't mean we were confused before, or that bisexuality was somehow less real.

Myth: “If you're dating someone of one gender, you're not bisexual anymore.”

Your relationship status doesn't determine your sexual orientation. A bisexual person doesn't become straight because they're dating a man, or gay because they're dating a woman. Who you're currently dating doesn't tell the whole story of your sexual orientation.

There are plenty of public figures who have spoken openly about this. Anna Paquin has publicly identified as bisexual while married to her husband, Stephen Moyer. Billie Joe Armstrong has also openly identified as bisexual while married to his wife, Adrienne Nesser. Lili Reinhart publicly came out as bisexual in 2020 and has spoken about assumptions people made about her sexuality because of her previous relationships. (And because we couldn't possibly leave them out: David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Alan Cumming and Drew Barrymore are some other well-known people who have publicly identified as bisexual!)

Their experiences are all different, but they remind us of something important: a person's relationship status doesn't determine their sexual orientation.

Myth: “You have to have experience to know you're bisexual.”

You don't. You don't need to have dated multiple genders. You don't need to have kissed someone of a particular gender. You don't need a sexual history that someone else considers “bi enough”. You can know you're bisexual because of how you experience attraction. You can also take your time figuring it out.

Why Bi Visibility Matters

Visibility can look different for everyone. Sometimes it's seeing bisexual people represented in ways that feel genuine and relatable. Sometimes it's having a friend, partner or healthcare professional who understands that bisexuality is a real and valid part of who you are. And sometimes it's simply not having to explain or defend your sexuality to be taken seriously.

At Q Psychology, we believe bisexuality deserves to be understood and affirmed as a valid sexual orientation. Our approach is about creating a space where bisexual people can talk about relationships, identity, attraction and everything in between without having to defend who they are first. There isn't one right way to be bisexual. You don't have to fit a stereotype, prove yourself or “pick a side”.

This Bi Visibility Day, we see you, we celebrate you and we believe you! 💗💜💙